After a thoroughly pleasant but uneventful Friday evening of dating, I was looking forward to what Saturday may bring. I was certainly in for a big surprise…..
Date 1. 4pm
Saturday started with meeting “M” at 4pm, we wanted to try and snatch a bit of time in the sun so we met at Victoria and walked up to Green Park. M is in her mid 30s, long mousy brown hair and a digital media exec working for a Large well know London financial company. She was pretty small compared to me, at 5ft6″ (well to be honest most people are) she came prepared with some large wedged sandals. I had to alter my rather large stride straight away to avoid leaving the tottering smiley lady behind. I gave her my arm to stop myself running ahead as we walked up past Buckingham Palace which was awash with tourists. After a quick stop in Marks and Spencer to stock up on ready Mixed G n T and some Rose we headed back into the park to sit in the glorious sunshine.
She had quite a cheeky personality and banter was flowing freely between us. Being in the park helped a lot to supply topics of observational conversation. From chatting with another group who had forgotten a bottle opener, to laughing at other couples properly “getting it on” in the park in full view of everyone else. She happily pointed out one mans trouser tent after a bit of a romp session and laughed.
We continued chatting and swiftly worked our way through the bottle of rose and onto the ready mixed G and Ts. I had also bought a tub of strawberries and cream that actually worked out to be one of the few things we ate that evening.
After the sun had gone down it was about 6pm, the clouds had started to close in and predicting rain we headed to the Holiday Inn for a pee break. After relieving ourselves we regrouped outside the hotel but had to wait for a torrential rain storm to pass before heading to a pub around the corner. I grabbed a large pick me up espresso and we had another glass of wine while we chatted about some recent festivals we’d attended.
By this point I was thinking ahead to date 2. I’d agreed to meet A at 8pm in Brixton so had to start to wrap things up with M. She’d received a text from a DJ friend of hers who was playing at Pacha that night and was trying to convince me to go. I was very tempted but not being one to ditch on other dates I made up an excuse that I had to go and meet my friends and would stay in touch. We had got on really well, lots of flirting, very tactile moments and kissing aplenty. Had to reign in the groping sessions in the pub for fear of being thrown out, was a very swish Mayfair venue.
We both jumped on the Victoria line, following another rather raunchy groping session, honestly I thought she was going to jump on me there and then, she hopped off at Victoria. A smiley wave, and she was gone.
Date 2 8pm
Arriving slightly later than planned I met “A” outside Brixton tube. She was again petite (I seem to be attracting the small ones…), dressed in a flowing summer dress and polka dot heels. A was from Hungary, had been in London for a good few years and was working in some kind of party supplies store not far from Camden.
Conscious that I was already a little late I headed for the nearest acceptable bar, it was actually a Gay bar just opposite the station I knew it was a good venue as id walked past it before, so we headed in. Mostly full of male couples sat together not saying much to each other, we got our drinks from the bar and sat next to one of the open windows. A’s Hungarian accent was quite strong, and chosen English words sometimes a little random but who am I to complain I cant speak any languages really other and a bit of Franglais.
She was very cheeky, had an amazingly dirty laugh, for such a small package she packed quite a large personality punch. By this time I was already a bit tipsy but the coffee earlier and the soon to be drunk Vodka and Redbull I got from the bar put me back on track.
Id been keeping in touch with M about her progress heading out to the club, still tempted I didnt write it off as I knew I was only out for an hour or two with A.
Unexpectedly that night I had also received another text from “S”, she was out at a friends birthday in Wimbledon…. not exactly close I thought… We had exchanged a few messages throughout the week but not really chatted other than a rather drunken call from her one night that I wrapped up rather swiftly.
The conversation was going well with A, she was great to talk to, not really my type though, I think I prefer more of a career girl, but she was certainly fun. We’d been talking for a good few hours now, it was quite effortless. Standing just outside the bar while she had a cigarette she mentioned she needed to pop to the loo. Ok I thought…. thanks for the info, she then asked if id like a photo…. “A photo of what?” I said a little puzzled. “You know…” She said shrugging her shoulders…. Ermm not really knowing what she meant and being a little boozy I agreed and she scuttled off smiling. I sat back down at our table and almost instantly I got a picture on Whatsapp. “Christ !!” I turn my phone away to make sure no one else can see, what arrived on my phone was a pierced boob shot taken in the loo. As quickly as shed gone she was back, still smiling, clearly quite happy with her amateur photography efforts. Obviously I was correct in my assumption of her being quite feisty but wasn’t really expecting selfies like that on the first date.
Thanking A for her interesting Selfie gift… as we finished our drinks I started to think if it may be possible to meet up with S before the night was over. While A was in the loo I managed to get a few texts away to find out where she was, and she was very keen for me to meet her. I walked A back to the tube a few yards away, had a good night kiss and then hailed a cab to head out towards Wimbledon.
Date 3 (of sorts) 11:30pm
It was a good 30mins taxi ride through the rather busy South West London streets. S had been texting me to check on my progress, Id managed to get the address of the hotel she was at, and I was planing to meet her there for a few drinks post party. Just before I arrived and a £30 cab journey later she messages me to say she is outside a theatre just opposite the hotel. I thought this was a little odd as I was meant to be meeting her inside. Getting out of the cab I find her waiting on the side of the road. Once I get within a few feet of her I immediately clock she is totally wasted, swaying as if in high winds she could barely stand up. She was obviously very apt at drunk texting. I immediately mention her drunken state, I was pretty drunk myself, so for her to appear even more so did concern me.
Well this is clearly time to bail I thought, I asked her how she was planning to get home. “Caaab” she slurred….. barely able to stand up, for some reason my gentlemanly instincts kick in and I hail a cab and we both get in. I manage to get her address out of her and to the driver and we set off once again. She slumps in the corner of the back seat explaining how nice it was id come to see her, passionately licking her lips. Ok I thought but not so great she was way too drunk. A little into the journey she launches for my crotch area, Uh Oh, I intervene. I mean seriously I think I knew she had plans for Mr Winky but in her drunken state I was not going to let that happen.
We finally arrive at her house, or later I find its actually her mums house, she lives at home at the weekend evidently as she works outside of London during the week. She invites me in for a drink, a bit hesitant but slightly thirsty I agree and go in. Clearly a very homely older persons home I feel a little uncomfortable, like a teenager, thoughts that at any minute her mum is going to appear downstairs to see what the noise is run through my head. I accept a rather wobbly poured glass of wine from her and then explain that I should be getting on my way. She was clearly upset that I wasn’t going to accept her offer to stay over within literally an hour of meeting her, but I explain when she sobers up she will most likely thank me. I convince her to call me a local private hire which luckily turned up within about 5mins and I head back to central London.
Date 1 Cont 1:30am
By this time id cleared about £80 in cabs, a tit picture, a drunken lady, doing my good deed for the evening I felt like I had to end it on a high.
In cab no. 3 I immediately got back in touch with M accepting her offer to a guest list at Pacha. Again another 30mins in the cab I didn’t arrive until 1:30am. The place was hot an heaving with sweaty revelers. Her DJ friend was already on stage, she dragged me up behind her and introduced me. Ok.. this was a stark contrast to the rest of the quite mellow evening, I handn’t been clubbing in years, but it was what I needed to lift the evening following the incident with miss crotch diver.
Flitting between the back stage VIP area, the main room and the upper dance floors we dance away the next 3 hrs. At this time in the morning travel options are seriously limited. M lived closest in a straight south direction in Crystal Palace, so when our legs had pretty much given up, we fall into a taxi and head back to her basement flat.
What an end to a 12 hr dating stint….. certainly one to remember….