The Friend Zone And How To Avoid It

As well as writing my diary from my very frank dating experiences, along the way i’m encountering similar traits and experiences with women so I thought id talk about these too and  you can all give me your opinions.

So Let’s begin…. The dreaded let’s just be friends comment.  I’ve both had to use this and also been on the receiving end of this too, quite unexpectedly.

So when does it usually happen?

I’ve used this line myself when:-

  1. I have met someone who is really a lovely person and I enjoy spending time with but who I really am not physically attracted to.
  2. I also use it genuinely at the end of a relationship if we have parted on good terms. But to be honest it never actually comes to fruition it just seems like the right thing to offer sometimes.

I’ve had this said to me before also when we have had a good date, I think its gone relatively well but I really didn’t make an effort to flirt much.  Through my experiences this is the key to avoiding being put in the Friend Bucket. I’ve started to learn that there are some things I can do to minimise this outcome after a first date.

  1. Location of the date.  Having somewhere too formal does seem to make it harder for some reason to flirt and create the essential chemistry.  If there isn’t much atmosphere in the venue naturally people feel as though they have to be reserved and this isnt a good start from my experience. I had this experience just last night with “N” I will put more in my diary about what happened there. So far I have found date in the park to be a clear winner, even during the day, all my park first dates have been winners.
  2. Creating possibilities to introduce touch and physical contact.  This is definitely important, I find it really hard to go in for a kiss at the end of a date if we haven’t had any contact throughout it and I think most people will agree with this.
  3. As mentioned above, flirting. Its taken me a couple of dates to get my head around the importance of this. Sometimes I find it comes out naturally especially after a few drinks. But its easy to forget about when just going for a quite after work drink when Im still largely in work mode and the conversation rarely strays from the usual get to know you questions.  I usually come away thinking that it was a nice drink but not having any idea what the lady thought or if she fancied me. This had been reciprocated by the women on more than one occasion and who says they got the “Friend Vibe”.  One of my recent dates said to me ” I’m questioning whether I felt the right ‘Chemistry’ between us I cant put a finger on it.. as we got on well”.

I will try to add to this as I go and discover triggers of the dreaded “Friend Bucket”

2 Responses to The Friend Zone And How To Avoid It

  1. Jonathan Bird August 19, 2014 at 4:41 pm #

    Flirting is vital to a great date! Anyone who wants a successful date needs to get out of ‘work mode’ quickly and let the flirting begin. Like you I found a drink helps to knock down the barriers – just don’t have loads.

    • Jane Plested June 24, 2016 at 4:00 pm #

      Does your wife know about your extra-marital flirting skills Jonathan?

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