Anal can be a great experience to share both by the man and women, its a total myth that only men enjoy anal. Unfortunately, women have bad experiences the first time they try it and that puts them off from ever trying again. One bad experience is enough to swear it off for life. Why? Done wrong anal can be uncomfortable. Done correctly, you can bring your women to pure ecstasy. In a recent conversation with Dating Deviant, Meena Avery, we discussed how we would both like to help men and women understand how to better enjoy anal sex. In our conversation below, you will discover that we mutually came up with some essential tips to help everyone enjoy anal play.
Amazing Anal Sex – The Conversation
James: So Meena, do you do any preparation prior to engaging in anal sex?
Meena: No, I don’t douche or anything like that. Sometimes a shower, if I’ve sweated a lot that day. The most important thing to do before starting though is extend the foreplay! Begin as you would any sex: a lot of kissing, teasing, oral and vaginal sex, and everything in between. It’s also important to be in the right state mind. Being nervous anticipating discomfort will always be tense. By getting extremely turned on through foreplay, you will start craving more and more stimulation; and by the time you get to anal, if done correctly, you’ll really enjoy it!
James: Does how he enters you make a difference?
Meena: A slow entrance is incredibly helpful. Specifically, if the guy puts his penis in a little bit at a time, edging in and out, and rubbing between the vagina and the anus, it helps get used to the sensation and relax.
James: That’s true, Meena. Take your time, Anal can’t be rushed, too many men fall into this trap, too eager and plough ahead like they would bad vaginal sex. This is where most women have horrific experiences. If you do this, it will only result in discomfort for her, and most likely put her off ever trying it again. Guys: don’t do it! Anal should never be that uncomfortable, and if it is, you are going about it wrong.
Meena: It’s important to realize that if you had one bad experience, not to think every other one will be the same. Trust me. My first time with anal was horrible. The guy didn’t know what he was doing, and I thought,” Fuck, that hurts!” When I opened up to trying it again later, I was so glad I did!
James: Do you like to use any lube? Can you tell any difference?
Meena: My favorite brand of lube is Good Clean Love:Naked. It’s free of chemicals and works really well with condoms. What kind of lube do you prefer, James?
James: I like I.D. Glide which iswater based, or a silicone alternative. I suggest making sure you keep yourselves extra lubed; if you use water based lube it may dry out a little, re-apply but don’t withdraw completely to do this. You can drip some on your cock by pulling it out slightly, then work it back in as you enjoy the sex.
Meena: How do you recommend slipping it in?
James: Lube up your cock and her arse. On entry, apply light but constant pressure, hold the tip of your cock on her arse and very gently push. Do not rod the drains or you will get a quick smack and withdrawal. Take your time here and you will be rewarded. By take your time, I mean minutes here not seconds, you can never be too slow. Once you become pros, you may find the entry a little swifter. Gently pushing in allowing her to relax and accept you. Don’t push in too fast or start withdrawing until you are all the way inside, once all the way in pause for several seconds. Once you have paused a while you can then start withdrawing a little and again gently pushing in. Do not pull all the way out or you will have to start the process again. The anus is made up of a series of muscles, not just the outer one; you have to massage these into submission. If you treat them too roughly, they will tense up. This is involuntary and not something she can control. The pause once inside is crucial; wait for her to get used to you being there by kissing her, playing with her clit, and you will feel her arse relax. Again, keep the interaction flowing, talk to her caress her, etc.
James: What works best for women when we go in?
Meena: I agree that a slow entrance is best. You’re suggestion to hold it in for a few seconds before moving helps a lot! It helps the muscles relax which is so important to feel good. I also recommend the man sliding his cock between the vagina and the outer anus repeatedly. This allows her to build up her craving, while each time he slides towards the anus he goes a tiny bit deeper. We’re talking millimeters here. Do this about twenty times, each time just getting the tiniest bit deeper. Then do put in your cock the way James suggests and you’ll have her open and ready for you.
James: What positions do you like best for anal?
Meena: Lying flat on my front with the guy reaching around to play with my clit is my favorite. Fingers slipping in and out of the vagina to bring extra moisture to the clit, and massaging it very delicately at the same time is amazing! What’s your favorite, James?
James: I like when a woman is lying on her side with her bottom leg straight, and the top leg bent. I get into in missionary pose on my knees, and hold her top leg while sliding myself inside of her. This position allows me to have a lot of control, massage her clit, and maintain eye contact at the same time. By being able to look at each other, communication between us flows easily. This is key throughout anal; if you can find a position where you are both comfortable and can see each other, you’ll be more successful. Eye contact gives me more of an insight into how she’s feeling before she even has to say anything, so early on, I always want to make sure I can see her expressions well.
Meena: Oh yes, I agree, I’m one to express myself with my words, but not all women are like that, and they take it while they’re not really enjoying it. It doesn’t need to be that way. If done correctly, she’ll enjoy it in multiple positions as much or possibly even more than vaginal sex.
James: So, Meena, we’ve talked about how to get inside, but let’s take that a bit further–once a guy is in you, is he ok to carry on thrusting?
Meena: Yes, once I’ve relaxed, I don’t mind the thrusting. It does depend on the size of the guy though. If he’s extremely large, it can be too much if he goes too hard or fast. But an average guy can get into a good thrusting groove if he goes in right.
James: Can you receive it as deeply as vaginal?
Meena: This one also depends on size, especially girth, if you are hung like a donkey then don’t drill for oil! Also, don’t expect it to be perfect the first time. It takes a little practice and some getting used to, but it’s worth the effort.
James: Do you go back and forth between vaginal and anal sex?
Meena: I’ve heard that it’s not the best idea to do that because of bacteria.
James: I’ve heard that too. I’ve also heard that going to the bathroom after sex is generally a good idea.
Meena: Yes, definitely!
James: Have you ever cum from anal? Do you think you could?
Meena: Yes, the combination of that and clitoral stimulation is incredibly satisfying. Trust me when I say this ladies: it…feels…amazing!
James: What’s the biggest myth you feel needs to be dispelled when it comes to anal sex?
Meena: that it’s too painful to be enjoyable. Honestly, it takes an open mind, and the right technique. But it really does feel good! Don’t base your decision to try it again one bad experience. Follow these tips and you might really like it! What about you, James?
James: I’d like to make it clear that anal does not mean dirty. I’ve never experienced any problems with cleanliness–it’s just another beautiful part of a woman’s body to be explored and appreciated.
Meena: Would you consider anal sex your fetish?
James: Good question! My fetish is probably a combination of bondage, spanking, and anal. But I don’t think anal itself is really a fetish, do you?
Meena: It’s only a fetish if you have to do it to get off. To me, it’s in the same category as regular sex because I like it, it’s something different, and a way to mix up the routine, the same way oral sex is. I don’t do it every time, but I do enjoy variety.
James: Thank you Meena.
It’s a rare opportunity to get both sides of the story on anal not many people talk about it so openly. Many thanks to Meena for giving this valuable female insight, it was a great learning experience for me also. Hopefully by reading our discussion even if you have had some difficult experiences in the past this will help you try again and discover how enjoyable anal can be for both sites and lead to some mind blowing orgasms.
Do you have any experiences you’d like to share or questions to ask? Please do leave me a comment below.