I’ve come to realise through my experiences that dating is more than just a wish to want to have someone in your life. It actually requires a particular state of mind and lifestyle change to allow it to happen.
What does dating mean?
Well this largely depends on your goals for dating.
- Casual/Serial dating – You go on lots of first and maybe second dates with multiple people but are not looking for anything serious right now.
- Hookups – This term is widely known now and used to describe meeting up with the view to having casual sex and that’s the pure aim of this kind of dating. This requires no emotional investment its purely to get your rocks off and scratch an itch.
- No mans land – Its hard to pick a name for this kind of dating, its where you don’t really want something casual, you only want to date one person but not that regularly and you don’t really want any commitment. You see only one person, probably have sex but no real commitment is made on either side.
- Dating with the view to a relationship – You are looking for a relationship, that’s your goal and if initial dates go well you commit to one person and a relationship develops from there.
Are you ready to date?
It’s not uncommon now for guys and girls to be single for long periods of time. People have learned to be very independent and thrive in the freedom that singledom gives them. There are lots of attractions to being single, not having to worry about anyone else, being able to do what you want when you want to and not having any demands on your time other than the ones you choose.
If you have been single for a long time then dating does require a reasonable change in mindset and lifestyle. What would be the fundamentals for being able to date with the view to bringing someone into your life?
- Time – You need to find time to date a person. If you are used to being single you will most likely be filling your spare time up with socialising with friends, sporting activities, travelling or whatever it is you enjoy doing. In order to date this requires you to re-organise this time to actually create gaps to spend with someone else outside of your usual friends circle. This on its own can be overwhelming to some singletons. All of a sudden you find someone else asking for your time and it feels like you have to make sacrifices to give them that. Really when it comes to the crunch you just need to prioritise and manage your time better to allow dating into your life. Your friends will always be there and your new potential partner will eventually integrate into your life meaning you won’t have to prioritise your time for long.
- Emotions – It’s very important to be in control of your emotional state when you start dating. If you have just had a troubling break up or experienced a life event that had a hard impact on your mojo then sweeping into dating can seem too much to handle. You need to be in a positive position in life and mind to be ready to bring someone else into your life.
- Health – I think lots of people forget this when they charge out there to date. If you are unwell due to an injury or health issue, this greatly affects your perception of dating and mood. Dating involves extra time and emotional commitment, if you are unwell this can prove too much and turn dating into a negative roller coaster. Ultimately health affects your mood, if you are already struggling to remain up-beat with being ill then your date’s perception of you can come across as negative even if you are otherwise a very positive person.
- An open mind – If you are used to being single you wont be used to receiving another individuals point of view or opinion. Spending a lot of time with another person will mean that you need to be receptive to their views and opinions too. You don’t have to agree all the time, but you will need to consider them. It can seem that another persons point of view is a challenge on your own. In dating someone having an open mind to discuss views and options can be an enjoyable aspect and fun.
Dating should be an enjoyable activity, but bear in mind you need to accommodate other people in your life to do so. Keeping an open mind and staying positive throughout will ensure that dating remains fun. It will also hugely increase your chances of finding that special person.
Have any of these aspects affected your dating or your experiences of of dates? Please do tell us about them by leaving me a comment below.
Really good article.. I think many people don’t actually think all those points through and just dive in. Which initially I think is ok, but if you intend to get serious about dating then you need to find both the time and right head space.
I didn’t realise quite how much time it would take up even the initial stages of time on tinder/sites and then chatting to guys before even actual dates.
And great point about how most long term singles have filled their lives up and something needs to give. But for the right situation/person it will.
I agree with you on all these points even if part of me still has these hopeless romantic thoughts that should the ‘right person’ come along, he will thrive against all odds.
Hi Yessica, yes I agree, some people do try too hard and think they should be dating without any real thought on why they are dating or what they are looking for. Thanks for the comment.