It seems that as we are now mostly meeting possible dates online and on Tinder that the natural progression is to text or WhatsApp. Increasingly I find people are relying on text solely to get a view of compatibility.
Why may this be a negative method of getting to know a new person before a first date?
- Text is very impersonal, communicating purely over text with someone you don’t know usually leads you to create an impression of a person in your mind to fill that gap.
- Text is very easy to misunderstand, your frame of mind at that time could lead you to insert emotion that is not intended by the person who wrote the message.
- Visual communication from facial expressions when talking in person mean a lot more than people think.
- Tone of voice can also not be felt through text. A lighthearted message could be misread as aggressive or intense.
- Texts once sent cannot be retracted and they can be read over and over again by the receiver.
- Sexting, however open you are about talking about it, its never a good thing to do before a first date. It sets the wrong tone before a date and will always portray a player image if that’s the dominate context before meeting a person. Don’t get me wrong a bit of banter and flirting is great but do it on the phone, if you don’t feel comfortable saying it, then don’t text it.
When should you use text?
- To arrange logistics, ie “Lets meet tomorrow, you free?” , “I’m on my way, see you in ten”, “I’m at the bar, what drink would you like”. This is where text is great, communication that doesn’t need feeling and is personality free.
- To arrange a good time to chat, we text a lot while at work or in a situation where you cant pick up the phone. Do use text to arrange a better time to communicate via voice.
- If you already know a person quite well, there is less chance of texting being misunderstood. If you have already dated for a while then you can rely on text a little more, but it should still never replace a conversation via voice.
I think we have all been in situations with new people where texting gets out of hand. It’s too tempting to carry on a conversation that’s going south due to a misunderstanding via text when the other person is unable or not keen on talking on the phone.
I’ve spoken with many women who have mentioned that the fact I call them early on is a nice surprise as most guys only text. It’s defiantly something I’m doing more often now and it always helps to land first dates more successfully as you are a lot more memorable when you have spoken with someone.
My advice ladies and gents? Pick up the phone, its better all around and leads to much more positive experiences when dating.